Chapter Eight: Healing

********************* Luce begins to heal – May to June 1995 *************************

Lucy and A-M drive back to Spaulding. A-M can not help but notice the changes in her. My god she is so beautiful, so very brave. She smiles back at him as they enter the elevators. Going into his office he is greeted warmly by Alan and Alex. Both inquiring where he has been. Rather like a child that has skipped school. Lucy looks down feeling guilty for having kept him away from his work. A-M reassuringly touches her shoulder, turns towards her, shielding her from them. “I left a message with the temp didn’t you get it ? “

Alan — Well yes, but it didn’t tell us much. I am sure you had some important business meeting. Your not one to shirk responsibility. But I am glad to see you, you too Lucy. Is everything all right ? ( Lucy excuses herself and goes to her desk )

A-M — OK what the hell are you two up to ?

Alan — I don’t care for your attitude. Your Aunt and I care very deeply about this company. ( A-M folds his arms in front of himself )

Alex — If there was an emergency we could have taken care of it. We also soothed the board members that found it a little curious you were nowhere to be found.

A-M — Well…. I’m sorry if I didn’t appear properly appreciative of all of your efforts. It was really generous to give of yourself so selflessly ! When you know the only reward is my sincere thanks.

Alan — What else matters more ?

A-M — What indeed……But now that I’m back in the saddle…..I’ll leave you both to your very, VERY busy lives. ( They get in the elevator A-M waves 🙂 And THANK YOU !

A-M heads to human resources to see what else the “little elves” have done. He finds out they were checking up on his work. And knowing Spaulding’s excellent financial record he heads back to his office.

Meanwhile Brent stands in Front of Lucy’s desk.

B – Hello Lucy ! Welcome back…..

L – You were fired.

B – Not really, not legally anyway. You see,  A-M had no grounds to let me go.

L – He’s your boss !

B – He was way out of bounds and you know it ! It was never my work. It was you and me. See A-M never saw straight when it came to you. Then you started crying rape. Let’s just say he hasn’t a legal leg to stand on . Let’s face it Lucy, you haven’t been helping the tension much around here either. You know what I think you should do ?

L -What ?

B – It was a lie. There was never any rape. It never happened. Say it, say it !

L – I am NOT lying ! YOU forced me and I am not going to let YOU lie about it ANY more ! I am NOT going to run a way. I am not going to me scared and quiet about it. Your not going to get away with this ! You want to why ? Because I’m CHANGED ! Changed because of YOU ! YOU changed me and this is the NEW Lucy that YOU made ! I am not so innocent any more. But I am also NOT a push over. I will NOT be weak and frightened any more. You know why ? Because we BOTH know EXACTLY what happened that night ! I have been scared, I have had nightmares. I have cried about it. I have lived this whole thing ! NOW YOUR GONNA LIVE IT !!!

B — You’re crazy !

L — No I’m not crazy. I may be changed, but I am not crazy and your LYING !! YOU RAPED ME !!  NOW YOU SAY IT !!         SAY IT !!!!!!!

B — ( He grips her wrists and pulls her to the front of her desk ) You’re making a dangerous mistake Lucy you’re causing trouble !

L — NO, You’re the one that started ALL this trouble.

B — No YOU got it wrong ! You understand ME ? If you keep telling people what NEVER happened…

L — OH WHAT are you going to DO ? THREATEN me AGAIN ?!?!?

B- – I NEVER threatened YOU in the FIRST place !!

L — OH YEAH ?!?

B — ( He is in her face holding her arms tightly. You can see Lucy trembling but this time not from fear, from anger ! ) YOU UNDERSTAND THAT ? YOU’RE CONFUSED and I am GOING to tell you the way that it was……..

A-M — GET your hands OFF of her NOW ! !

B — ( cowering ) She’s got you snowed too !


B — GOOD work Lucy ! But you’re going to be in big trouble when I add threats of physical violence to the lawsuit. You understand me ? Don’t touch me !

A-M — MOVE ( He backs Brent to the elevator and opens the doors for him. )

B — I’m going….I’ll see you again.

Alan-Michael’s body relaxes as Brent goes down in the elevator. He turns to Lucy.

A-M — I’m sorry I left you alone like that, are you OK ?

L — I’m fine. I’m better than I’ve been in a long time.

A-M — I can’t believe security let him in I specifically told them they were NOT to let him in.

L — Don’t………don’t feel bad about it. I’m glad he came…..I know what I have to do now…

Lucy goes to the police station. A-M calls Buzz and let’s him know where she is. Buzz goes to the station to see Brent being brought in, in hand cuffs. Buzz looses it and goes for him. The cops restrain Buzz as Brent calls out. “Hold him DOWN ! Get HIM down !”

Lucy is talking to the female officer of sex crimes. Detective Leavey is there as well.

L — We met at work. We went out a few times….I guess you could say we were dating. I am sure Leavey told you about the country club pool. We were arrested for swimming there when it was closed….but all the charges were dropped…..

FO — It’s OK Lucy….calm down. We’re not here to make any judgments.

L — But it…was an innocent thing….

FO — Why don’t we get back to the night in question ? Try to tell us everything you remember.

L — All right….Well…it…….. it….. started at the penny arcade…..

FO — The date went smoothly ? After the arcade ?

L — Then we went back to his place.

FO — You went home with the suspect ?

L — Yes

FO — This was something you wanted to do ?

L — Yes

FO — There was no force involved ?

L — Not at that point no.

FO — All right

L — At the towers….First he made us some drinks. Mine was much stronger then I thought it would be.

FO — Alcoholic drinks ? Did you pass out?

L — No we were dancing and kissing and then……he brought me over to the bed.

FO — He didn’t force you there ?

L — NO…then…..and then….( Luce is trying so hard not to cry she is so nervous and behaving like she is on trial. Like she had done something wrong . ) things started to heat up a little bit….and that was when I realized I didn’t want it to go any further and um…..I ….I just felt VERY uncomfortable with him on top of me and he was very strong.

FO — Did you tell him to stop ?

L — YES, yes I did tell him to stop. I was pretty scared…………… I think I was shouting.

FO — What were you shouting ?

L — NO, NO, STOP and he……. didn’t, he just stayed there ….and a…( Lucy starts to cry) and I was screaming……..and he started to tear my clothes……and then…and then….I kept moving my head back and forth…..then he….then he….covered my mouth…..and then he raped me…..I’m sorry.

FO — It’s all right, afterwards what did you do ?

L — Then I left.

FO — He didn’t stop you from leaving ?

L — NO…… um when he got off me I grabbed my things and I ran.

FO — Did you go to the police ?

L — NO

FO — Did you go to the hospital ?

L — NO

FO — Did you tell anyone at all ?

L — NO I couldn’t. I know I did everything wrong ! But it doesn’t change anything. It still happened. I was still raped !

( Later…… Buzz enters the room.)

B — Hey, Hi, I am so proud of you !

L — I don’t know why, I am so stupid ! I don’t have a case. There is no proof it is his word against mine. It’s all my fault. I did all the wrong things Dad.

B — Don’t say that !

L — I didn’t go to the police, I didn’t go the the hospital, I didn’t tell anyone. I even threw away my clothes !

B — You were in shock.

L — I know, but now I don’t have a case.

B — Well, HE is going to pay for this !

L — NO, wait a minute….you promise me you’re not going to do anything ! Don’t make a bad situation a tragic one. PLEASE promise me that.

B — I won’t do anything to make you unhappy.

A-M — Hi, I couldn’t stay away……I tried……are you OK ?

L — I will be, come on let’s go.

As Brent gets his cuffs removed Detective Leavey glares at him and says.

“I would be VERY careful if I were YOU Mr. Lawrence. I’d watch MY back !”

Brent — Why ? What are they going to do to me ? I am the safest man in the world. I am officially innocent.

A-M brings Lucy back home to Company. They sit on the front steps.

A-M — Are you going to be OK with this ? I could take you home to your family if you want.

L — No I’m pretty tired. I just want to take a nap.

A-M — I’m really VERY proud of you Lucy, going to the police like that. It was very hard.

L — Yeah, it had to be done. Even if it’s not going to do any good .

A-M — Nah, other women will find out about it. Don’t worry, it will do some good.

L — Yeah, maybe it won’t happen again.

A-M — Lucy, Brent is not going to get away with this. He is going to pay for what he did.

The next day A-M gets off the elevator at Spaulding and is met by Brent and his attorney. Both say that A-M had no grounds for firing him. They read out loud A-M’s last performance report on Brent which was excellent ! A heated argument begins. Alan enters A-M’s office and informs A-M that since Brent is a contract employee they MUST keep him until he slips up. A-M reluctantly listens to his Father. ( Alan however wants Brent to stay because Brent has told him what a horrid president A-M is. Alan wants to use Brent to take the company back from his son ! ) Lucy comes into work and A-M looks almost ashamed…..

A-M — Lucy come here, we need to talk. ( They sit down ) Maybe it would be a good idea if you take a little vacation.

L — I’m fine.

A-M — Lucy, I can’t fire Brent. I mean, not yet, legally I’m stuck…….even though it is driving me……….He is going to be around here for a little while. I don’t want you to go through all of this….I…I…. don’t want you to see him in the hallways or in the elevator or anywhere.

L — No, no, I just need to keep busy and that’s all. As long as I am busy and I stay focused I’ll be fine, really……. ( She gets up to head to her office ) Here is the figure list for the pharmaceuticals division and if you notice on the last page Sam highlighted some of the….

A-M — Lucy…..please ( he takes a hold of her hand and looks in her eyes ) A little time off never hurt anybody. Believe me… number one priority is getting Brent out of here. Soon as he is gone I WANT you back at work . BELIEVE me, I need you around here.

L — NO Alan-Michael I am not going ANYWHERE ! We have a lot of work to do around here and I don’t know when your going to wake up and realize that YOU’RE the one that’s in trouble ! (A few moments latter she comes back in the office ) I finally got the first quarter figures for the oil and gas divisions. Perhaps you can take a look at them so Jim can get started with the slide projections…….

A-M — Thanks……Wait , Lucy……. I…….a…….(smiling)……sorry I guess I….lost a thought. (She goes out the door A-M whispers ) ………………. I LOVE you.

Later that evening Buzz and A-M both checking up on her meet on the back steps of Company.

B — As I live and breath, if it isn’t Alan-Michael.

A-M — Are you that surprised to see me here ?

B — No, she’s probably glad to see you.

A-M — You really think so ?

B — Yeah, I do.

A-M — I don’t think YOU are.

B — Well she’s the one that counts.

A-M — Yeah, she is amazing.

B — Tell me about it.

A-M — Nah I don’t have to tell you. You’re her father you probably know her better then any one does.

B — Well you know, maybe you do. Maybe you know what she wants and needs. Maybe better then she does.

A-M — I think there is stuff going on with her she hasn’t told either one of us.

B — You think you can get through to her ?

A-M — I don’t know, I got to keep trying though…..what ever hell she is going through I just want to let her know I’m going to be right here beside her.

B — Maybe you’re what she needs…

A-M — No, I need it. I love her. I know you’re probably not to thrilled about it. But that’s it.

B — That you LOVE my daughter ?

A-M — I want to take care of her. I……I want to be with her. I want to protect her. I want to show her THAT WHAT BRENT DID TO HER…….

B — You want to kill him….

A-M — YEAH I DO……But……… that really doesn’t do much for Lucy now does it ?

B — What will you think ?

A-M — I don’t know, but I got to find out. The same thought just keeps going over in my head that maybe I could have done something to prevent all this. I want to make it up to her somehow. I want to tell her how I feel. That’s why I came here tonight.

B — That you love her ?

A-M — YEAH !


A-M — No ! That I WANT to commit to her in in a way that I couldn’t or wouldn’t before. But I have a feeling that YOU just don’t believe that…BUT

B — No I HEAR you. I believe you….You LOVE her. If you love her, you know, show her. Don’t TELL her that you love her. It might be a lot for her to hear right now. It’s a lot for me to hear right now. I don’t know how I feel about that. I know how I feel about you !

A-M — ( Laughing ) Well at least your candid.

B — Well, I’m her father and I love her. If you love her you’ll wait. Come on, I have a sudden need to buy you a cup of coffee.

After the police station incident Buzz has his own plan for Mr. Lawrence. Buzz is going to use psychological warfare ! He wants Brent to know what his daughter felt ………..pursued, stalked, afraid to be alone. He follows Brent every where, saying nothing. Brent will turn and there stands Buzz…….close enough to kill him. Brent starts carrying a gun. He sees Buzz in the alley behind the diner. Brent pulls the gun on Buzz.  He points it at his head! Buzz pleads with Brent to shoot him saying

B–“Come on baby be a man just squeeze the trigger.”

All the Coopers including A-M come stumbling out the back of the diner. Brent says the gun isn’t even loaded ! ( This is still an offense that the police could have put him in jail for ! ) Lucy sees them all and starts to cry. She runs off thinking she can’t get away from the violence anywhere. A-M tells Buzz “Let me go”

This next scene is simply beautiful to watch ! Rick and Sonia had such incredible chemistry. The way they move in this scene is like watching a dance. A-M follows her on the front porch to the door. She looks so tiny next to him. They both act nervous like it is the end of a first date. It is difficult to make conversation A-M will NOT push her to talk……..

A-M — It’s a beautiful night. The rain cleared everything up. The air smells sweet. ( Lucy in her nervousness drops her keys as she tries to unlock the door.. She starts to get them.) Here I got them. I got it. ( He unlocks the door for   her )

L — Well, guess I better get some sleep. We both have a big day tomorrow before the board meeting .

A-M — ( hating to say goodnight to her says ) Yes, sleep. I think that is what we both need. ( A-M starts to leave )

Lucy — ( saying shyly ) Thanks for…..a…….. the ride.

A-M — (Winks and waves) yeah , sure, anytime, you’re welcome.

Lucy — Alan-Michael ?

A-M — Yeah ?

Lucy — Would you mind staying with me a few minutes. I really don’t feel like being alone.

A-M — Sure.

So they sit on the steps A-M on the top step his arm around the railing. Lucy on the bottom step hands around her knees.

A-M — You want to talk about what happened today ?

Lucy — I don’t know……I just keep waiting for things to get better. Seems that the violence just keeps on spreading and the worst thing is, I feel the worst is yet to come.

A-M — You can’t give up hope Lucy. I won’t let you.

Lucy — Why do you care so much ?

A-M — Because……I think your future……………….. is my future too.

The next morning is A-M’s first board meeting since he has become president. Everything must go perfectly. He wears his Navy Blue Armani. He must get to Spaulding early today. But there sits Luce already having prepared the board room and going over all the financials. A-M can not take his eyes off her. How did he ever get by with out her ? He is smiling..

A-M — Listen, what I talked with you yesterday….where we are going….are you OK with that ?

L — (Handing him a file) I think you should review this one more time before the meeting.

A-M — I’m ready for what ever the board throws at me.

L — EVERYTHING is riding on this meeting.

A-M — Lucy….what’s wrong ?

L — I don’t know, something just doesn’t seem right.

A-M — You’re still upset about what happened at the diner yesterday aren’t you ?

L — NO. I understand sort of ….all of you are worried about me because of what happened. But the only person that can work through this is myself. You and my dad everyone………… no one can make it right for me.

A-M — YEAH, but it’s just so frustrating Lucy ! You know every time I see Brent walking through here like he is some guy who just got a bum wrap I LOSE IT ! I feel like I didn’t do enough to protect you. That if I just would have taken care of him that night then all……..


A-M — I want him to disappear Lucy ! I don’t want him around here ! I don’t want you to have to look at his SMUG little face…..

L — STOP you have got to stop thinking like that all right ? You and my dad both think that if he would just disappear that it would all go away ! That nothing would have ever happened to me. BELIEVE me if anyone I wish it was that easy. But it just doesn’t work that way. You can’t change it any more then I can change it. Just because I have to live it day and day out doesn’t mean that you have too.

A-M — But I DO Lucy because of the way I feel about you. That creep took something very precious from you ! I want to help you forget it. I want you to understand that even though you can’t take back the violence he didn’t CHANGE YOU !!

Lucy — Enough, ENOUGH !!! I can’t even believe your spending this much time talking about me, when your entire professional life is hanging in the balance today ! This is EXACTLY what the board can nail you on ! You already KNOW that they are saying you’re not paying enough attention to Spaulding !

A-M –( looking like a wounded little boy. He whispers ) Yeah

Lucy — ( Lucy seeing he’s hurt softens her voice. ) Look, I appreciate what you’re doing TRULY I do….The best thing you can do to help me right now is to go in there. Give them hell and make them see that your the best damn President Spaulding ever had ! Would you do that for me ?

A-M gives the board meeting of the century ! He is in his element. Spaulding never had a meeting ran as professionally as this. Suddenly Lucy comes in and informs him that the spread sheets he is presenting are wrong. Glen Taggart accuses him of fraud and his board votes Alan in as temporary president till this matter is cleared up. Alan stands there defending his son saying the misunderstanding will be cleared up soon. “Nobody could have done a better job then A-M !! ” After the meeting Mr. Taggart congratulates Alan then adds “How did Lucy know the real numbers ?” Alan finds Brent and says “You left foot prints in the snow. They have a back up file to sink us ! “

A-M and Luce come down the stairs at the country club. Lucy sees Alan and Tangie sitting there. She is just livid. “I think the man that set you up is sitting right over there.” A-M tells her he wants to show her a good time tonight and not talk about business. They go to the terrace for dinner.

A-M and Luce sit neither speaking . The terrace is beautiful ! All the tables glow with candle light. Soft violins playing in the background. A-M has a hard time keeping his eyes off Lucy. “She is so beautiful tonight in that cream dress. The sheer lace shawl so feminine………. oh to just hold her in my arms……” He doesn’t mind sitting quietly with her. He could do this forever.

Lucy — ( Is suddenly getting uncomfortable in this quiet moment ) It’s beginning….

A-M — What ?

Lucy — That feeling…..I feel angry. Angry at everything.

She gets up from the table. A-M follows

Lucy — I mean……….. not at you……I guess this is just one of those feelings that is never going to go away. Some mornings I wake up and I almost forget about it…..then when I remember…….never mind….

A-M — ( He takes her hand in his lightly squeezing it. He says in almost a whisper) Lucy if you need someone to talk to……….. I’m here.

Lucy — I know….but I don’t …OK ?

A-M — OK

A-M is out of the presidency so he and Luce work to bring down Brent. Who they are sure cooked the books at Spaulding, Lucy and he have the back up file to work with. They set Brent up and he comes to Lucy’s room at Company for the file. He takes it from her while gloating at how he was able to bring down A-M ! He tells how he rigged the numbers on all the financials. Then thanks Luce for the GREAT time etc. ! Brent leaves and A-M comes out of Lucys closet . A-M has taped the entire conversation. Luce is so upset she is trembling. She walks into A-M’s arms, A-M kissing her hair. Her comfort she takes from him lasts a few seconds before she must get free of a mans touch. A-M carefully realeases her….tears in his eyes. Later Buzz and Frank threaten Brent with going to the police. He can go to jail or he can get out of town. Brent leaves town.

LAM head to the Towers. Buzz informs them that Brent has left town. LAM have dinner, they hold hands. Nadine and Eleni look on smiling.

L — Listen, all I want to do is go back to work. Tomorrow is going to be the first day I won’t have to worry about Brent showing up.

A-M — I don’t want you to worry about anything.

L — Well, the one thing I am worried about now……is whether or not you’ll dance with me.

A-M smiling gets up from the table. He takes her in his arms and feels her relax in them. He remembers how much he wanted to dance with her that night at the ball. And tells her…….”I had dreams of dancing with you just like this the night of the ball”…… Lucy remembers her fantasy of dancing with him in her antique lace gown…..she suddenly seems shy and is unable to look at him. She starts to hide her face on his shoulder.

A-M –Hey, …………..did I say something wrong ?

L — ( She looks back in his eyes ) No……….. you said everything right.

So A-M and Luce go back to work. “A-M the Prez” and “The Luce”. They are spending most evenings together too. One evening is perfect for blowing bubbles on Fifth Street. A-M instructs her to first close her eyes. He tells her to open them just as the bubbles fall in front of her face. They have dinner at the Spaulding mansion. Alan is throwing a dinner party to begin some new developments on Fifth Street. Afterward A-M and Luce head to the yacht. It is starting to storm.

A-M — I’ll just get the umbrellas we don’t want to get caught in the rain. I can take you home.

L — Now ? Right now ? I just a…… don’t feel like seeing people at the boarding house right now.

A-M — (thrilled 🙂 That’s FINE you can stay here if you like. We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. You can stay here for a million years if you want.

L –Well…a…a little while.

A-M — (smiling) I could do a little, yeah. Could I get you something ? A glass of tea ? Do you want me to leave you alone ?

L — No

A-M comes out from the galley and stands in the dining room. Lucy has picked up his guitar and is playing with it. Finding chords. A-M is enchanted. Lucy seeing him standing there is a little embarrassed. She stops and starts to put his guitar down.

A-M — No come on……. don’t stop. You’re actually getting it, don’t give up.

L — I’m terrible.

A-M — No you’re not ! Your wrist is a little stiff that’s all.

L — That’s all ? Just loosen up my wrist and I can play just like Eric Clapton ?

A-M — Well everybody starts somewhere. Come on, here….(He takes a hold of her wrist to show her. ) loosen up your fingers a little bit.

L — (laughing) I don’t even think I can do that.

A-M –Yes you can………….. here it tends to get stiff right here. (He starts to massage her palm. Lucy gets VERY uncomfortable. ) Lucy ? your starting to tense up again…..( Seeing how uncomfortable she is he carefully let’s go of her hand. )

L — Sorry

A-M — It’s all right you just need to…….um……… the stiffness out that’s all.

L — I don’t even know why I picked this thing up. The only song I halfway know how to play is “Michael Row Your Boat Ashore”

A-M — It’s a start.

L — (Smiling) Yeah, I guess. Learned it in this bus station when Dad and I were on the run.

A-M — You’ve come a long way since then.

L — Just dress differently that’s all. Look….um…..I want to…….. thank you for everything that you’ve done you’ve been really good…………. to me and I just want to say thank you. I know I don’t always show it. I also want you to know………… you really don’t have to take care of me like some cat that you fed that keeps coming back on your back porch.

A-M — ( Almost a whisper ) Wh, Wh, What ? Where is this always coming from ? Did Buzz say something to you ? Huh ? I mean………I know he thinks that I’m going to screw up somewhere along the line. Yeah, it’s possible…….I…..I…. might.

L — No, he didn’t say anything….I don’t know……….It……was

A-M — It’s OK Lucy….you know…….you don’t have to say anything……( Whispers ) come here, come here…… ( He holds Lucy in his arms smelling her hair. She pulls back and looks at him……He looks in her beautiful eyes and just brushes her lips with his. Lucy pulls away and turns away from him )

L — I’m sorry.

A-M — I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have !

L — No, I’m sorry…I wanted it…..I’m just…I’m just….. not ready for it yet ….I’m sorry….I’m REALLY sorry.

A-M — Lucy……Lucy look…..I understand….

L — I know your trying to understand…..but you know what ? Nobody really knows what it feels like…….( She is frightened and heading towards the door. )

A-M — Lucy wait. I’ll take you home OK ?

L — No I’ll be fine ………..just fine. ( She goes to open the door and finds that it’s locked. She looks back at A-M ashamed that she could ever be afraid of him ! A-M goes to the door and unlocks it for her. )

A-M — Lucy, you don’t have to apologize to me for anything ! OK ? Nothing, Absolutely NOTHING. I want you to feel safe Lucy and you will. You will, one day this is all going to be gone, and done with. Brent and everything. ( Tears in his eyes ) I want you to know that when that day comes…….. I am going to be here……..(whispers) I am not going anywhere.

So Lucy relaxes she stays in his guest cabin. The next morning A-M wakes to check on her and he can’t find her !  He runs out to the salon screaming for her ! Lucy comes out of the galley with a plate of pancakes.

L — What WHAT is there a fire ?

A-M — Lucy ! No, I’m sorry, I went to check your cabin and when you weren’t there I panicked !

L — Why ?

A-M — I don’t know….I thought maybe something had happened.

L — Well something DID happen ! It is a bright and beautiful day and it’s perfect for the first day of my life. Brent is gone ! The best part of all of it? I’m making breakfast !

A-M — ( Lucy sets the small table with pancakes and fruit ) You must have slept really good last night !

L — AHHH I slept GREAT ! I feel like I am ready to take on the world ! Which means we have to get to the office early and remember we have to call Joseph Myers in Berlin !

A-M — Yeah. yeah, but before we launch….could we talk about something besides business ?

L — Sure, but remember we have an agenda !

A-M — I want to talk about what happened between us last night Lucy. Are you OK ?

L — Yeah, sure I’m OK. I had a great time.

A-M — You did ?

L — Yeah, Sure, why wouldn’t I ? We blew bubbles, we danced, we laughed, we came back here…

A-M — Yeah we came back here and……..It started to get kinda romantic and you got scared …………….I know you did Lucy.

L — No I didn’t, not really……please don’t worry about it.

A-M — Lucy, to many things have happened to both of us. I mean especially to you. It might help if we went to somebody….to talk…

L — What do you mean to talk to somebody ? Talk about what ?

A-M — What happened to you.

L — What ? It happened, it’s over !

A-M — Lucy, we both know that it’s not. It’s in your head it’s in your dreams.

L — Right, and talking about it makes it much worse.

A-M — It might help. Lucy there are groups of people that have gone through the same kind of violence that you have. It might help to be able to talk with them. You know, share things with them.

L — Right…….. share things ……… rapes. What’s the difference right ? NO I don’t want to talk about it. I already told you that talking about it makes me feel like I’m living it again. I just want to forget it all happened ! ( Big SIGH ) Well, look, please let’s not discuss going to any body…………………’re all the help I need.

A-M smiles at her, but knows she is wrong. If she won’t go for help then he will. He has no idea how to handle his feelings. He is starting to have nightmares now as well ! He calls Lillian at Cedars and goes for a meeting for rape survival “Men that want to help.” At first he listens to all the stories of the men in the room with out comment. Some are husbands, boyfriends, fathers. He relates to every word they say. He has felt all the same things ! He isn’t alone. Then one man says that his girlfriend was not a “sweet innocent”. She was dressed sexy and she KNEW she was turning the creep that raped her on. She had asked for it ! A-M just LOST it !!!

A-M — Whoa ! Wait a minute, that doesn’t sound right ! She didn’t let it happen ! NOBODY DESERVES to be RAPED !!! A woman can go out. She can have a good time. She can have a drink. She can wear a sexy dress ! That doesn’t mean that she is responsible for some CREEP who decides he wants to RAPE her !!! NO THAT’S WRONG !! NOBODY DESERVES TO BE RAPED THEY DON’T WANT IT !!!!!!!…….. I’m sorry, I……………. I don’t think I should have come………… I’m VERY sorry ! ( He gets up to leave )

Counselor — I think you MUST have needed to come very much.

A-M — (Speaking to the man he just yelled at ) It’s nothing against you…….the woman I know. I am sure a lot of woman have said the very same thing. She said this herself ! She BLAMED herself. But she didn’t ask for it. She didn’t bring it on.

Counselor — Why don’t you tell us what happened.

A-M — Well if anyone is to be blamed for, for, for, the whole thing besides the creep that raped her……it would be me. I’m the ONE that EXPOSED her to him…….. It was ME ! Well I HIRED the guy ! I watched them getting close……..I should have stopped it ! Instead I distanced myself……. I wanted to give her her freedom. I should have seen through his…..his smooth act……..but I didn’t (starts to cry ) By the time I had the guts to tell her how I REALLY felt about her it was too late !

Lillian — Maybe it’s not too late.

A-M — I don’t know about that Lillian (His voice is breaking ) You don’t know her…. she used to be so happy ………….and so light hearted ! (He is crying ) And now…. she’s just…. she’s just a MESS ! She doesn’t ……….want to talk. She….She tells me that……she’s….she’s OK and I can see that she’s not ! I just don’t know what to do to help her !

Lillian — Woman I work with who have been raped go through a wide range of emotions. They have great fear, panic and shame. Some become so devastated they paper over the problem and pretend it never happened. They suffer inwardly and silently. They go on like everything is just fine.

A-M — So what do I do to help her ?

Lillian — You do what you’re doing right now. You face your own rage and helplessness.

A-M — I’m sorry………… I am having a tough time grasping this concept Lillian. That’s me…..what about her ?

Lillian — She has to face her own rape trauma and she has to do it herself. No matter how much you love her. You can’t do this for her and believe me. The time will come when she will do it for herself. As long as you give her support, patience and love. She’ll find the strength to be able to do it for herself.

A-M leaves and heads to the diner. Lucy is waiting for him but he is late. She sees Eleni and Frank kissing in the kitchen. She first smiles then is over come with anger ! A-M comes in the door and sees she is upset.

A-M — Are you OK ?

Lucy — Please stop asking me that ! I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine !

A-M — Well this morning was very a….

Lucy — It was GREAT it was really great going back to work and getting a fresh prospective on things. In fact that is where I am heading for right now.

A-M — Could you just……..please give me a few minutes ?

Lucy — (smiling trying to fake how HAPPY she really is ! ) My BOSS doesn’t like it when I take long lunches.

A-M — Your BOSS wants to TALK to you. Just a few minutes…….OK ?

Lucy — As long as it doesn’t have to do about Brent or anything having to do with it. I have told you this morning and a hundred other times I will deal with it MY WAY !!

A-M — ( A-M talks so softly to her ) Lucy I have no intention of pushing you into anything or telling you what to do.


A-M — I just don’t want it coming between us.

Lucy — It’s not going to……( She tries to walk away but A-M walks in front of her ! )

A-M — LOOK, please don’t tell me that it won’t because it already has ! I don’t want to feel those walls going up like they did this morning.

Lucy — This ….morning….was just a little misunderstanding that’s all.

A-M — ( A-M’s voice remains soft ) NO ! This morning we were lost. Neither of us knew what to say or do……you know this, I KNOW you felt that !

Lucy — I did…but I don’t want to feel those walls….

A-M — I am not saying that you’re just doing it. We’re BOTH building walls OK ? Every time we get around one  another. We’re having a good time or we’re smiling or laughing then all of a sudden we get afraid to get near one another…….to touch one another. We start acting like strangers. We tip toe around our feelings. We get all tense we get tongue tied.

Lucy — You’re doing just FINE now !!

A-M — ( Not dropping his gaze )…………….. Sometimes we even HURT one another. ( Luce drops hers ) So I thought to myself……….what can I do to help change that ? What can I do to help understand what’s going on ?

Lucy — That’s just it though, there is nothing for you to understand. It’s over it’s done !

A-M — No Lucy it’s NOT ! You and I both know it isn’t. Unless we start dealing with it. It is going to affect us for the REST of our lives !

Lucy — It ? IT was rape. You see ? SEE I can even call it by it’s PROPER name. But it happened to ME. That makes it MY problem and I tell you I will deal with it…..

A-M — No, NO ! It affects EVERYBODY WHO LOVES YOU !!! ( Lucy looks at him shocked ) It is hurting YOU ! We………..”I” want to make it all go away. We…..”I” (sigh)……………. I try to wish it away. I try to will it away. I try to love it away. But I couldn’t Lucy and that left me with a whole bunch of feelings that I didn’t know what to do with !…………That’s what I came here to tell you………… I was furious I was ….I felt powerless ya know ? I thought I could handle my feelings but I couldn’t. Those were MY feelings………. That’s what I came here to tell you……………………. That’s why I went to a support group at the hospital this morning.

Lucy — WHAT ? You went to a support group ?

A-M — Yeah, a rape counseling group for men that want to help.

Lucy — WHAT?

A-M — At first I thought I was doing this for you. But the truth is…… I needed it myself. I know you have been through the worst of this Lucy. But I had things I had to deal with too.

Lucy — Come on A-M you’re smart you’re strong.

A-M –Yeah, I’m FULL of RAGE at what Brent did to you ! Lucy, I have never wanted to kill somebody so bad in my entire life. That whole feeling was consuming me and eating me alive. I needed to talk to somebody !

Lucy — So you talked to a bunch of strangers about me ?!

A-M — Your name was never mentioned. They know the experiences. It has hurt their lives too ! Lucy, this isn’t about other people. This is about you and me. We have to relearn how to be with each other…… Brent tore our hearts out !! He put back rage and anger and self doubt. The only way we are going to get past that …..the only way to get stronger…IS to TALK about it ! If we can’t talk about it with one another then we are going to HAVE to talk about it with somebody else.

Lucy — OK FINE !! You talk to who ever you want to ! But I’m not !

A-M — I’m sorry Lucy but I think I am right about this. I have to go to the Journal…..Will I see you back at the office ?

Lucy watches him leave. Eleni sits down and asks Lucy if she is OK. Surely she must be with A-M helping her. “He loves you very much.” Lucy gets up from the table crying and heads to the kitchen.

E — Let the tears come Luce, it’s Gods way of helping us.

L — You don’t understand ! I don’t even know why I am doing this.

E — Lucy it is only natural to feel hate towards Brent ! He did a terrible thing to you.

L — NO you don’t understand ! What I’m trying to say is…..I’m jealous I’m jealous of you and Frank !

E — Jealous of us ?

L — I saw you guys kissing and laughing…….loving each other. I wanted that.

E — You can have that Lucy. You WILL have that.

L — Not now.

E — When ever you want it ! You MUST believe that !

L — Not after what happened ! Eleni, EVERYTHING changed that night !

E — NO ! No you are the same beautiful loving, lovable Lucy !

L — NO….I’m not even sure I ever was. It’s like you get this plan or blueprint when your born….It points you in the direction of a happy life (crying) I just NEVER got that one that’s all !

E — Oh Lucy !

L — I mean, I see how love looks and acts…..I just don’t know how it feels ! Or how to get it ! But I want it. I want it with ALL my heart ! ( Eleni takes her in her arms ) But especially now…. I guess I just don’t know how it feels.

E — It’s just the way two people feel about one another. Just the way they want to be with one another. Tell each other everything. The way they will take a risk and let the other person know all that is going on inside.

L — But how can Alan-Michael ever feel the way he did for you for me ? After what Brent did to me ? How can he feel anything but sorry for me ? …………….( crying )

E — Lucy, Alan-Michael is not feeling PITY ! I have seen him in love before and THAT is the way he acts.

L — OK, if it’s not pity then it’s guilt.

E — NO LUCY ! How can you say that ?

L — Remember that night on the Yacht ? That night I went to find out how he really felt. He told me he didn’t want to get married and he didn’t want to have a family. And NOW he is going to some group counseling because of ME ! ( Crying ! )

E — Lucy you are BLIND to what is happening right in front of your eyes ! A-M admitted how he felt about you LONG before this thing with Brent happened. His feelings have been clear to everyone BUT you.

L — But Eleni look what I’m doing to him !

E — Lucy, you’re not thinking straight. If A-M is going through anything he is doing it because he loves you. He cares about you. In fact you may be helping him.

L — How can you say that ?

E — You’re helping him to have feelings again. Feelings that he thought were dead. So don’t give up NOW. Don’t close down and die inside because of what Brent did to you. Don’t give Brent that victory. OK ?

( Now at last I was able to forgive Eleni ! I couldn’t hate her anymore if I tried. Jennifer is the one that made me feel this though……..not Melina……I wonder if Melina ever could…..I wonder if the writers know they can completely destroy a character for a viewer by making the character go too far. Once that happens I never feel the same for the character again. )

Lucy goes to the Springfield Journal. She sees A-M trying to stay focused on his work. He removes his glasses and rubs his eyes. He turns and there stands Lucy.

A-M — Are you OK ? ……………I’m sorry, I won’t ask……

L — I want to talk to you. I want to tell you about Brent and everything. The trouble is…..I’m not really sure where to start….( A-M takes her hands) But I want you to help me.

A-M — (smiling and so happy ! ) Of course I’ll help you ! ( He stands and runs his fingers through her hair )

L — Well. I guess a good place to start would be… by saying….. I’m sorry.

A-M — ( Laughing ) For WHAT ?

L — I shouldn’t have been so mad at you for going to that group counseling….( A-M looks down) No……I know that what Brent did to me…….the rape…….and … I have been to you lately has been really hard on you…….I am VERY sorry !

A-M — (smiling at her ) Lucy….you didn’t do anything. It was done to you….as far as how I’m feeling about all of this….

L — Look, I am taking you away from your work….look we can do this another time…

A-M — No……no come on let’s go where we can get some privacy. I am not letting you out of my sight Lucy. ( They go into A-Ms old office at the Journal ) Here, sit down Lucy.

L — I just keep asking myself……..When are these feelings going to go away ? When am I going to be able to go back to a normal life? When am I going to stop hearing that sickening voice and seeing that face smiling at me?

A-M — I don’t know Lucy….I just know it is going to take some time. You know ? And it’s going to take some patience.

L — Well do you have any ? Cause I sure don’t ! I just want it to go away ! I just want to be rid of it ! I just want to go on………. with life……..I guess you can’t think about the future when you have so much hate left in your heart.

A-M — ( A-M is smiling knowing what a huge step she has just taken. He walks up to her running his fingers through her hair ) Lucy…….it’s all going to go away. I don’t know how long it’s going to take. But I promise you. It is all going to go away soon. I do know, that however long it takes……I will be right here beside you.


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